#1: The Swiss Spaghetti Harvest
In 1957 the respected BBC news show Panorama announced that thanks to a very mild winter and the virtual elimination of the dreaded spaghetti weevil, Swiss farmers were enjoying a bumper spaghetti crop. It accompanied this announcement with footage of Swiss peasants pulling strands of spaghetti down from trees. Huge numbers of viewers were taken in, and many called up wanting to know how they could grow their own spaghetti trees. To this question, the BBC diplomatically replied that they should "place a sprig of spaghetti in a tin of tomato sauce and hope for the best." Check out the actual broadcast archived on the BBC's website (You need the RealVideo player installed to see it, and it usually loads very slowly). -More- #2: Sidd Finch
These are the contest winners (in spite of all of the efforts of their authors).
He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
-- Joseph Romm, Washington
She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open again.
-- Rich Murphy, Fairfax Station
The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.
-- Russell Beland, Springfield
He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
-- Joseph Romm, Washington
She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open again.
-- Rich Murphy, Fairfax Station
The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.
-- Russell Beland, Springfield
Best "out-of-office" replies: 1. I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position.
2. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I were in, chances are you wouldn’t have received anything at all.
3. I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from holiday on 4 April. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.
4. Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.
5. The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again. (The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see how many people did this over and over). (Although it also means you have twice as many e-mails to delete!).
6. Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system.mYou are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.
7. I’ve run away to join a different circus.
AND, FINALLY, THIS ONE TAKES THE CAKE:
8. I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as ’Margaret’ instead of ’Trevor’.
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